Boyhood

Can I just take a second to talk about boyhood? My life is full of boys - from my husband to my two kids...

Totally different than the home I grew up in. We had an even 50/50 between my brother and I with my parents. Now my life is full of dirt, bodily functions, fishing, sports, and pee on the seat. How on earth do boys laugh for so long over a fart? I absolutely love being a boy mom and I must say being the only female kind of makes you feel like a princess...or a maid depending on the day. 

I always thought I would have a daughter and wished for one so I could have the same speci relationship I have with my mom with my own daughter, but in all honesty I kind of like having all boys. I mean everything D has J now gets and I haven't had to buy anything new other than diapers and the love they have for their moms...heart melt. 

I think when you have two children of the same gender people often wonder and/or question if you were hoping for the opposite sex for the second. I look at my babe and could not even imagine for a second having a little girl when I have such a happy little guy. Plus clearly having one J wasn't enough so I had a second and then a third...

Boyhood - I kind of love it. 

A New Babe!

I've been busy...

We survived another deployment...well when I say we survived I basically mean I survived a deployment with a three year old and being pregnant alone. That in itself is a huge accomplishment, ha. We moved home for a bit so I could have the baby and have some help and then moved back. 

Three months ago I gave birth to a handsome second son! His height and weight were exactly the same as his older brother. Cloud nine. He is a healthy and happy little guy. Shortly after his birth we moved back to where we are stationed and waited for J to return home. In the past few weeks he came home and we have been reuniting and getting to know a family of four instead of a family of three!

I have been having some issues still recovering from his birth, but I can't complain with the three boys in my life I have been blessed with. I'm trying to organize my life a little better and carve out more time for myself, but let's be honest - having a three year old and a three month old seems absolutely insane some days. 

I promise to do better in the blogging world now that we are getting into routine !

Lil Troops

I am constantly stepping on small cars, rubber ducks, and Legos. My son loves all things boy and is constantly pointing out "boy stuff" to me. Paw Patrol? "Boy stuff mommy" fishing and hunting? "boy stuff mommy" So when recently, we were able to check out Lil Troops and allow him to play with them he was so excited when he saw them. He quickly took to the recruit calling him daddy. It was perfect as playing with these little guys is not only fun, but reminds him of his dad while he is away.  Lil Troops are these adorable small action figures that benefit the U.S. Army MWR services through sales. You can find them in store like the PX and Toys R Us (and of course online!) in singular packs and now in packs of three!  When they arrived D was over the moon excited! I wish I could insert his surprise face because it is completely adorable and he ran around the house with them yelling, "Daddy guys!!" in excitement. That was a few weeks ago...D still plays with them every day. In fact for bed time he is allowed to pick two toys to take to bed with his water cup and his beloved dinosaurs have been replaced some nights with Lil Troops. We decided within the first two days of having them that we would get D the rest of the set. When I was browsing for the other Army series action figures I noticed I can also find these adorable (probably not a "cool" word my son would want me using to describe his toys) things come in football players too! University of Michigan and University of Georgia - We soon will splurge on as well. For now though we will round off the Army collection and buy him the missing ones to his collection. If you have a small boy in your life these sport action figures are seriously perfect for them. Lets face it - Boys love everything that is "boy stuff" and these are just that! Not only are they perfect as a gift or collectible, but they also benefit a great resource that so many of our military families use. The MWR has been amazing to my family and just knowing that part of the sales for these little guys go to them is enough reasoning for me to spoil my little guy some.

The packs of three come in two sets -

The Alpha Squad:

The Infantryman

The Rescue Pilot

The Urban Trooper

The Bravo Squad:

The Desert Trooper

The Recon Scout

The Recruit

You can visit thier website http://www.liltroops.com and quickly find the right one/s for your little guy!

XOXO,

Thai Food and Chocolate Cake

For the past few weeks I have been waking up in the middle of the night thinking about Thai food and/or chocolate cake. 

Oh did I mention I was pregnant? :)

J and I are excited to be welcoming our second child early next year!!

If you read one of my last posts in the spring you probably read about the miscarriage I endured earlier this year. It was hard and it was an extremely emotional time in my life. One day when we were sitting outside watching D play I asked if J would be okay with him being our only child. I just needed to hear that from him. It has been a long road of trying to have a family and we are so blessed with D, but at that point the emotional roller coaster and the toll on my body had been enough. I was just ready to close the chapter....

And about two weeks later we found out I was pregnant again! Talk about a mix of emotions. I was happy, shocked, scared, nervous, etc. I have basically lived in fear of the what if's with this pregnancy with my guard up that I feel like now that I can feel this little bean all over the place that I should start living with less fear and start believing. 

I am about halfway through my pregnancy at this point and if you caught my last post J is off doing Army things. So my life is currently filled with toddlerhood, potty training, temper tantrums, exhaustion, pregnancy, and dreaming of his return ;)

Happy Monday!

Day Too Many To Go

Yesterday was hard stuff. Nothing really comes easy in the military when you have children. D is at the age where he gets things, but can't fully comprehend his emotions. Watching my child cry and scream for his dad as he had to walk away hurt my heart. I've been dreading that day for a long long time, but was in denial that my child would understand it as well as he did. 

We have talked to him a lot about daddy's business trip. Although he doesn't comprehend time he knows daddy will be away for awhile. It just sucks. There is this void there that I can't fill. He doesn't want to play, "Hulk and Spida (Spider-man)" with me or ride my back around and play swords like he does with J. I know as time goes on things will get easier, but for now things are raw and they hurt. There will be probably a million more questions of when is daddy going to be back and a lot more tears shed, but I know we can do this - it is just a matter of picking myself back up and being strong for both of us. For now though it just feels like life can be so unfair to military children. 

When they say children serve too I totally get it now. 

Hang That Flag-

I think in today's society many of us are too scared to show pride. Pride for something that we love that defines who we are because of the backlash of others and/or the threats from an enemy. When Collins Flags gave us an opportunity to display an Army flag we were super excited to have it! Collins Flags offers a variety of military flags of great and sturdy material as well as affordable. They nylon makes it pretty weather proof and keeps it looking fresh and new.  With so many seasons where we live we will see how it holds up as the year goes on, but for now it looks beautiful with pride hanging from our front porch. 

https://www.collinsflags.com/army.cfm

You can find this beauty right there! 

Let's Talk...

In early December J and I received some exciting news! We found out we were expecting...naturally. As in I became pregnant naturally and we were in complete shock. I immediately found a doctor who started me on the same medicine I took when I became pregnant with Dean and who began seeing me weekly. My HCG levels began to rise quickly in the beginning and my numbers were even better than what they were when I was pregnant with D and his twin! Things were going well...and for the majority of the first trimester I got to experience the joy of being extremely sick. I couldn't go to bed or get out of bed without crackers for nausea and when I saw that little heartbeat flickering on the screen I was so excited. Anticipation (yet cautious) that we *on our own* had created a second child. I was excited and nervous. Nervous about the idea of a toddler and a newborn, nervous of an anticipated deployment and having a baby alone, and nervous for the pregnancy. I have never had a smooth pregnancy or that joyous moment of here I am pregnant and having a baby in nine months. It has always been a hopeful feeling of everything working out and hope we were about to add to our family. 

Dr. B got to a point where he felt comfortable extending my weekly visits to month long ones and said he felt very confident in my pregnancy. I had *hope* that I did too. J had to leave for two months and to make sure I had help with D for part of that we headed home so I could have help and keep things going smoothly. I did just that and my family was extremely helpful. We returned for my appointment and the day before I just had this feeling...

This pit in my stomach...

This something isn't right...

I don't want to go into details because honestly the pain of it still hurts, but at my appointment I found out my baby no longer had a heartbeat. That pregnancy my doctor was so confident in and the one we were so excited about had ended. My husband was 1,500 miles away and there I was...alone...in a cold doctor's office alone with a box of Kleenex while I was "given some time" It hurt. It still hurts. 

Red Cross was suppose to send my husband home, but didn't because when I left that office that day instead of scheduling a D&C at the hospital I asked for some time. A day or two to just gather myself, take care of my son, and deliver the news to my husband. That didn't work for the Red Cross as they wouldn't send J without an actual date for a D&C so his unit sent him home. 

In less than 24 there we stood in the airport hugging. It was the most awkward hug as J muttered the words, "I'm sorry" and I responded with, "I am sorry too." It was quiet. We were quiet. What was there really to say?

Two days later I was admitted to the hospital for the procedure. J had to spend the morning doing all of the duties to get D ready for the day and dropped off with a friend for his playgroup and to be babysat. I sat in the hospital alone and waiting for him to return. A sweet nurse came in as I starred blankly into space and grabbed my hand..."I just want to tell you don't think you did anything wrong. Sometimes it is our bodies way of telling us something is wrong and fixing it."  I burst into tears but have to say she said the right thing at the right moment. Exactly what I needed to hear right then. 

It has been six weeks since I sat in that hospital and today I joyously cherished a period. I have waited six weeks for this day. It sadly closes a door that has been extremely hard on my heart and soul and opens what I hope to be the next chapter in my life. I spend each day rejoicing in my blessings - watching my son run around and play or calling me "mom-mom" and thanking the Lord that if this is it - if this is the long hard journey I have been on to add to my family then I remain thankful and faithful that he is mine. He is the light of my life and his journey here was hard but worth it. The journey to even think of extending our family is obviously going to be hard and so I remain faithful that there is a plan and if this is it then I am thankful for what I have. Lucky to be a mom of not only my son, but of two little angels. 

A Northern Livin' Update

D is jumping off the couch as I try to write this. Never a dull moment. Naps are few and far in between, every surface is part of a jungle gym, and toddler boys have energy for days. 

I have been busy creating home projects like so...

And using any free time I get (Really, what is that? My child even ends up in my bed every night) on making our house feel more like a home. I still am struggling with the missing of our last home and the friends we had there. 

Finding mom friends is still a struggle. I've created a group (I am always volunteering myself aren't I) for other women in my boat to get together with their little ones for play dates. So far it seems to be a success. We have met some nice toddlers and moms, but still looking to fill that void. It's hard y'all. The struggle is real. I miss my family like no other on this move. J is in town and out of town constantly, D has been sick for a month straight (cold, croup, bronchiolitis, high fevers, and then throwing up), and I have no one reliable I feel like I can call on and cry to like I had in Georgia. Although I must say my family has been so sweet and supportive from afar. You know moms - they tell you what you need to hear to keep chugging along. 

Enough pity party though. Let's get back to the teepee. Is it not awesome? D loves it and I am super excited about it. We read books and had a snack in it this morning. Our dog tends to think it is her princess palace, but it is so fun for all of us!

I'm close to having a two year old and I just can't even think about it! I'm brainstorming gift ideas and wondering how my only baby can already be getting so big!

Ahh

Until next time,  

Hi, My Name is Mom and I Need Friends.

Last week my husband informed me that he had to leave for a few days. Something I am all too familiar with in this lifestyle. However, this time I felt like begging him not to leave. I couldn't believe that kind of thought was coming from me. Of course I know how to *survive* with him gone for days, weeks, months, a year, but something just felt off. I spend my whole day with a toddler. We play, watch cartoons, do flashcards, color, build with Legos, and run around driving small cars on every surface in the house. We are out in the stroller, at the playground, in the sprinkler, and scooping dirt in the backyard. When night falls I am scrubbing dinner dishes, packing my husband's lunch, giving my son a bath, reading books, picking up toys, starting laundry, and getting things ready for the following day. At 8pm my little one is off to bed and I look forward to my me time...but lately it is more like my adult time. The only time I get to have that face to face conversation with another adult and feel slightly human in being able to collect all of my thoughts without a small child pulling at me...or screaming at me somedays ;) My husband has filled a void. I mean not that I don't need him, but I'm new here and I have come to learn being a mom or not having a childcare option doesn't really put you out on the friend dating scene often. Finding friends as a military wife is just like dating - Do we connect, do we have common interests, are our kids the same age, ohh is she a Republican (okay, kidding on that - maybe). I just haven't found those opportunities here. Up until now all of my friends have been pre-Mom. So I knew them and had a connection in this world so to speak before I had D and moved a thousand miles away again. I made them through other friends I knew at the post we were moving to or by joining some sort of group or organization. It just so happens we moved here when those options were out. I don't know anyone stationed at this post like I did other posts and we moved right as the year for most programs ends and/or breaks for summer. I miss girl time. I miss my bestie at Benning and our late night Target trips or getting together early in the morning still in pajamas for the boys to play together. We could talk, have coffee, the boys played safely, and there was true comfort. I long for a lot of my friendships at Benning that I oh so miss. So when J had to leave I knew that was exactly what it was. I can't paint his nails or take him to a coffee shop, but for now he is really my only friend here. My son and I haven't met other friends at the playground or park (this place is like a ghost town when it comes to being outdoors, I swear!). I can't shop for friends at the grocery store - "Hey, you are buying diapers too. You must be a mom to a small child. Want to be friends?" For now I can pick up the phone and call my bestie OR any of my friends from here to Florida to Michigan to wherever and just laugh and joke about things or talk about more serious topics. But lets face it - The days are long and the years are short is a popular quote for a reason. Being a mom is unlike anything else I have ever experienced and has by far been the best thing, but pointing out the fan, cheers-ing my glass with a sippy cup, and begging a small child to not color on the wall are sometimes experiences just best shared with another mom - in person where you can relate and feel comfortable. Moving is for the brave, being a mom can be lonely, but knowing your perfect friend date is still out there and you just haven't been on it yet is even better. Cheers,

The New Place

We are still getting settled in. I feel like you can never fully unpack knowing you'll just be leaving in two to four years again. On the other hand unpacking just seems impossible with a toddler. Everything is/has taken twice as long as maybe it would be without all of his "help" However, we are all really loving it here. Our home is nice but doesn't exactly feel like "home" yet. I'm missing my Fort Benning house like no other. We haven't met many people or even neighbors (why is everyone so anti-social?), but the north country is beautiful and we love it. There are so many great chances at exploring and educating D here so while we are here I will definitely be soaking those opportunities up. 

Recently we have had small discussion on the possibility of trying one more time for #2. It is just a discussion. It is nothing set in stone as I am not sure it is a place I want to be again and if I am *ready* to see if our last transfer is an opportunity at more children. It really is a rock and a hard place to think D may be it or to wonder if we will ever be blessed again. We will have to schedule way in advance as now being seen and doing our last transfer round will include travel and hotel stay for many weeks. However, for now I'm enjoying just being a mom and spending time with D. I love each day I get to be home with him and watch him grow. It makes me wonder why so many rush into having one after another when one just takes so much time and is so joyful to just embrace that short time they are small.  

Until next time <3

Hello Northern New York!

Our orders came quick! We waited forever. Nothing was available...until one day they called and offered Fort Drum! Things have been a whirlwind moving from Georgia to New York. We moved ourselves *never again J, never again* and then spent a month in Michigan with family. I spent all of April soaking up the time with my boys being basically disconnected from technology and it was SO REFRESHING after all of the packing and loading our belongings to head to New York. Not going to lie -- I shed a tear or two as I walked down the steps of our home in Fort Benning for the last time. Four years of memories. It was my baby's first home and the first place I brought him home to. It was heartbreaking to close that door for the last time. I feel like we were blessed to have four years there as four years just never happens on military time. A piece of my heart is still there. We have only been in our new home less than two weeks, but already we love the north country! It is absolutely gorgeous here and feels a little more like home (Michigan). D loves his new backyard and the playgrounds in the area. I vow to be more in tune with checking in and getting back at it. Until then here are some recent pictures of my beautiful little boy :)...

So big! It all happens too quick :/

Toddler Tales

No one prepared me for a toddler! D is 24/7 on the move and I'm right behind him. I officially have a daredevil that gives me heart attacks all day long. I'm not talking about climbing the steps when I am not looking. I mean he is climbing the TV, standing on the window ledge, doing pull-ups on the stove, checking out the top of the dining room table, and using his toys for height when nothing else will do. He's on the move and he is not scared of anything! 

Speaking of toddlers can we talk hair? I just cannot bring myself to cut these luscious blond locks. Everyone seems to tell me I need to (are you his mother or am I?) and I just can't. I have dreams of long (not too long) surfer looking hair on my adorable child fully knowing his dad down the road will have him in a military cut before I know it. I love how his hair curls out under his hats and the fact that I may or may not have to use product in it to keep it parted to the side. I just love it and it is growing at such a fast pace. Listen if I am willing to comb and style it why is it anyone's area to tell me it needs to just be cut? J seems to be on board with keeping it long (for now) although he does say if I want to cut it we can. Took him long enough to even say it can be cut, but I think he knows mama bear just isn't ready to let go of it. 

Off to remove someone off the TV stand,

Teresa