Just Waiting On Orders.

Waiting...waiting...waiting

J is only a few months away from coming off the trail.  We thought by now we would know where we are going to be stationed at next but no such luck.

The whole process has always given me anxiety.  I am excited for a new adventure, but I remember feeling like I was going to throw up driving here.  All kinds of questions cross your mind on the trip to your new home for the next few years...

Will I like it?

Will I make friends?

How bad will our house suck?

Will my husband be home or will he deploy?

Will tickets home cost a fortune?

Ahh and so now to think about things as a mom it is a different.  You have all of the above questions plus...

Will my son make friends?

Will we have kid neighbors for him to play with?

How are the schools?

How will he adjust to dad being gone when he deploys?

Will he like his new bedroom?

Oh gosh.  J portrays that moves are easy that it is just part of the lifestyle.  I get that but they are never easy for me.  I can only imagine the anxiety I will face as orders come in and we make our way to our next home.

This by far has been my favorite duty station.  I have made great friends, had great doctors for my infertility adventures, great opportunities, and plenty of things in the community to be involved in.  Ohh plus I had a great home and great neighbors.  Now I wonder how much longer I have here.  Will we get orders eight months out or six weeks like the last time?  

Soon we will find out,

Mommy Loves Products...Chewbeads!

My son has become a drool monster and has started the long road ahead of teething.  He also enjoys grabbing everything on his mom resulting in me not being able to wear my hair down or accessories.  Recently we discovered the genius idea behind Chewbeads jewelry and I am one happy mommy.

Chewbeads are non-toxic and made of silicone.  D absolutely loves tugging on my Chewbeads necklace (or just eating it in general).

(Passed out ;))

Chewbeads are:

Beads are made with 100% silicone (similar to pacifiers & nipples)

Soft on babies gums and emerging teeth

Easily cleaned with dish soap & water, also dishwasher safe!

No BPA, PVC, Phthalates, Cadmium, or Lead

Necklaces have a breakaway clasp for added safety

Necklaces are a great sensory tool to help your baby focus while nursing

Bracelets are a colorful reminder of which side you've just nursed

I am often asked when I wear the necklace if it is a teething necklace or where I got it.  Chewbeads have different prices depending on what you are looking for, but even if a little pricey this is one splurge as a mom who loves fashion I would make over and over again.

I have linked them under my sources as a must for all moms.  Check them out!

The word "budget"

Before we had D we went a few months spending less and using more cash so we could track what we were buying and spending money on.  It worked great but as our hours at work were opposite of each other it quickly went out the window.  Talking to friends lately I have heard all kinds of things about budgeting.  J's recent trip home was unexpected as his grandma passed away and money like that is never accounted for and a spur of the moment trip can cost hundreds of dollars.

So yesterday I decided to look at some of our spending and come up with a game plan.  By no means are we hurting, but we do still have some debt to pay off on all of our infertility treatments which totaled over $25,000.  Nope, not a typo.  I decided in February not to return to work right now so I could stay home with D.  I didn't feel ready to leave him, but also the fact that he may be our only child really had me torn and in the end I decided being home with him was most important.  Never did I see myself as the stay at home mom type and well here I am.  However, the shows that are on TV during the day and the activities they have on post and off during the day are fabulous lol!

I am tracking our spending now using an app (or so I hope to keep up with it) where J and I can both sync our phones to use it.  EEBA is what it is although I would like to check out Mint as well.  I have set some things pretty high that I am not really willing to negotiate ha ha like grocery money.  Sadly, it costs more to eat healthy.  Also, some money for D and things to do as a family.  I am wondering how well this will work for us.

Worth a shot,

Starting Solids.

Pardon my lack of another subject when my life has been consumed by this small *teething* boy.  D had his four month appointment a little late last month and the doctor suggested we go ahead and try some cereal and then move onto vegetables.  I went with my motherly instinct and waited until after he turned five months old to give the cereal a go.  We are keeping it "soupy" before moving onto thicker oatmeal and then eventually vegetables at six months.

One thing I have come to realize is as a mom I know what is right for my son.  I have heard both sides of the argument that he is A. Too small to start solids and B. Why aren't you giving him cereal yet.  The fact that D can sit up, has full head control, can pull himself up when holding his hands, and is only in the ninth percentile for his weight had me decide to start at a little over five months.  We have also decided on the more messy route (like how he wants to feed himself as seen above) because A. I don't want to give it to him in a bottle because it is convenient and B. I am not looking to "fill his stomach" so he sleeps better (or whatever else people say they give rice or oatmeal cereal for).  I am trying to teach him the use of a spoon so when we move into the more fun stuff he will really get the hang of it.

For now he is wearing most of it and that is fine too.

Happy Monday,

The Skinny On Getting Your Body Back...After Baby!

"Oh it just falls off."

"Getting my body back after I had my baby was really easy."

"You'll be so busy when the baby comes the weight will just come right off."

Riiiiiight.

I admit when I had Dean I thought it was just going to come right off.  I only gained twenty-four pounds during my pregnancy, but I remained active through it and also watched what I ate...most days...unless I was craving nachos or a cheeseburger.  After I had him my postpartum checkup was when he was seven weeks old.  I stepped on the scale at the doctor's office fully intending to be a few pounds close to pre-baby weight.  HA!

I had only lost ten pounds in seven weeks.  I basically lost that in the hospital and the whole time I was feeling good about myself pfft.  It was in that moment (and asking them to weigh me again) that I decided it was time to get my body back.  

I started off tracking everything I ate, walking the dogs every night, and doing what I could between diaper changes, bottles, sleepless nights, etc.  I ended up dropping eight pounds in December.  When January came and the holidays were over I felt like it was time to step it up.  I continued to track my calorie intake and started working out (hard) between three and four times a week as well as making sure I was active for at least thirty minutes the other days (yoga, walking dogs, tabata at home, etc.).  

Baby D will be five months old this upcoming weekend and I am now smaller than I was when I got pregnant.  I have lost close to twenty pounds in three months and it was hard work doing so.  Nothing came easy and I am still going.  My goal is a few pounds away to be to my pre-infertility weight.  At first my weight was nothing but a number it was just about feeling good about myself.  Now that I am a mom who *wants* their body back and is *willing* to work at it the number means a bit more because I know it is possible to get back to where I was pre-baby.  

So when I hear comments about how easy it was for me or how I have no room to talk because I am skinny after baby I just want to say it takes work. No one gets to where they want to be after baby by sitting on the couch when baby is napping.  It takes dedication and determination.  Baby D and I are out the door every morning at 9am.  Sure he has a few days of rest and staying home, but I pack the baby up and get moving because being healthy and getting fit mean more now that I am a mom.

No excuses,

Motherhood.

Motherhood.

Nothing can describe the bond between a mother and a child.  It is a different kind of love that I have often heard about and I expected it to be well "love" the kind of love you feel with your family, but it is far different than that.  Looking into my sons eyes I see myself.  I see this little person that is a little like his dad and resembles his mom.  A person that was years in the works and has changed our life for the better.  He brings sleepless nights, spit-up to my wardrobe, more laughs, a special meaning to family time, and a new outlook on life for Jason and I.  Being a mom MAKES me want to be a better person to succeed at everything I start, be a healthy me, and most importantly a role model to him.  I wouldn't trade the middle of the night wake ups, eight bottles and ten diapers a day, the hours of rocking in the rocking chair, the sound of coos/laughs/grunts, and Mickey Mouse in the background for anything.  My world became a little more brighter when he became mine.

Love,

A Boy!!

HE is here and my life couldn't be anymore complete!  On October 24, 2012 at 12:56pm Jason and I welcomed our beautiful baby boy into this world.  He was 19 inches long, 5 pounds 15 ounces, and had a head full of hair.  It was the most amazing moment of my life. :)

I ended up being induced and was in labor for about six hours from start to finish.  I did it all natural and in the end am so glad that I did.  I was able to be in charge of my own labor and delivery without anything slowing me down.  I also was able to get up and walk around and use other techniques and methods to help with labor.  It really is true that after your child is here you forget all the pain you went through.

Now that D is here things have drastically changed.  My days are filled with smiles, dirty diapers, feedings, catnaps, and getting everything partially finished around the house before I am tending to him again.  He has slept through the night since the start so I have lucked out there, but wow has he made life complete.  I can't imagine my life without him in it now and all of the setback, heartache, and tears we faced getting here have been worth it every day when I look into his eyes.  Life is complete thanks to modern day medicine and a little frozen embryo :)

Next Month...Already?

Last night Jason and I started our labor and delivery classes.  When it came to raising your hand if you were planning on a natural birth I was the only one who did so.  A little sympathy for me because it is not by choice, but I had a spinal fusion about six years ago and I can't have an epidural...just laugh lol.  However, next week I have a consult to see what I can have or what can be done if I need an emergency c-section.  Phew.

The little one is going to be here next month.  Woah!  Where has time gone?  I feel like I have known forever that I am pregnant, but I have had such an easy pregnancy this far that it has been a blessing.  Maybe because it took so long for me to get pregnant the pregnancy gods were smiling down on me ;) I actually think I may miss being pregnant when the time comes for him/her to make their debut.  I have enjoyed the whole experience because it was never something I thought I would be able to do.  The occasional foot in the rib though I could pass on...

My guess is that the baby is a girl.  I feel like so many think it is a boy it is only right that I think it is a girl ha ha.  Also, Jason is so confident that it is a boy (or so he puts that out there) that I feel like he has truly jinxed himself.  All of that talk on TLC about not being able to have girls may come back to bite him ;)  After everything either gender is truly a blessing.  I can see myself with a little boy taking him to football practice and watching him play with his dad, but I can also see myself with a little girl watching girly movies and painting her nails.  I can't wait to find out what Baby J is!

My official due date is just about four weeks away.  Obviously I am hoping s/he comes a little sooner than forty weeks, but I am prepared that I may be pregnant until November lol.

(((Here is the belly at 34.5 weeks)))

I think that is the update.  The nursery is ready, the car seat has arrived, and we are still filming with TLC. :)  I better get those breathing techniques down like a pro because labor/delivery is probably not going to be pretty.

Love,

The Mom Shift

I have been blessed to be able to have the option of staying home and being a full-time mom when the baby comes.  Years ago I always thought that was ideal and wanted nothing more than to raise children and be a great wife.  Now that I have been working and having something for me after so many years of school I go back and forth about being home full-time.

Part of me would like to have a few months to be mom at home and then get back to work, but on the other hand the likelihood that this is our only child is extremely high and I am not sure I would want to miss any of the firsts or those precious first months.  I guess the right thing to do is to wait it out and see how I feel once our little one makes his or her arrival. :)

I only have about twelve weeks left until baby should be here and I feel just as great as I have been feeling the whole time.  I am tossing and turning more at night, but still no sickness, backaches, headaches, etc., etc.  I have gained ten pounds so far of the 25-35 my doctor said she wouldn't mind seeing.  I am hoping if I continue to eat right, stay active, and continue to be healthy I won't gain a lot more this trimester and will have an easier time getting back in shape later.  Let's face it pregnant or not putting on the pounds and seeing the numbers rise on the scale is never easy!

The Halfway Mark

Can you believe it? I'm twenty weeks along this week and in just a few short months we are actually going to be parents :) I should post some pictures of my twenty week bump. I don't have much going on and in fact people are still shocked when I tell them I am pregnant. The faces are priceless when they ask how far along I am. I remember just a few months ago I was worried I wasn't as big as others that are due around the time I am concerning me that I really wasn't pregnant ha ha. Now Baby J is on the move and I can feel him or her doing the wiggle worm every day so bump or no bump I know there is a baby in there :). It eases my anxiety now too which is huge.

Perhaps we should start thinking baby and looking at baby items or planning a nursery. I mean when do you do that stuff because I've planned nothing and feel so behind

Boy or Girl?!

Today I felt the slightest flutter. I thought it was vibrations from using my computer so I moved it and it sure wasn't because it continued. People have told me that it will feel like popcorn popping or air bubbles so I was a bit confused when it felt like when your eye twitches but yet it was in my belly ;)

We have our 16 weeks appointment this week. Woah! I have to admit I have no noticeable baby bump, my clothes fit, and I have no "symptoms" so I am a little nervous for an ultrasound. Most women are always looking forward to their appointment and seeing the baby, but in my case I am always a nervous wreck that feels like vomiting beforehand ha ha. J is set to go with me this time too so I am excited to have him there to finally meet our doctor and to see the baby!

Technically we could find out on Wednesday what we are having. We have had no surprises with everything we have been through so the gender of Baby J will remain a surprise. We will find out in October if it is a boy or a girl. For now I am enjoying all of the predictions by chinese gender chart (girl), the ring and string (boy), and the fact that J thinks boy while I think girl. As time progresses my mind will change again I am sure. I really believed it was a boy up until the last time I saw the baby and I started thinking perhaps it may be a girl. Time will tell ;)

 What do you think?

 

You Will Not Want To Miss This Post!!

Baby J is on the way!!!!

I have had to put my blogging on hold and leave everyone hanging until we felt we were at a safer point to spill the beans. I never thought the day would come that I would be writing this post, but it has arrived and I am thrilled. :)

When December's devastation happened I really wasn't sure I would be able to emotionally handle giving things another try in January. It took a lot of encouragement from J that it was the right decision for us. When we returned after Christmas leave we went in and signed the paperwork and I started birth control. The cycle was much different because I wasn't having to stimulate my ovaries. After I finished the pill I immediately started a low dose of lupron daily. It was much less than what I took before so I had no side effects. At the end of January I started estrogen tablets and the awful progesterone shots as well just a few days before transfer.

The hardest part this time was again the unknown. We didn't know how many would thaw or if we were making the right decision to take half of what was stored out to have a better chance of more for transfer. We actually didn't know anything until THE MORNING OF transfer. We were called on February 2nd to confirm our transfer the following morning and told that they had taken the number of vials out we agreed on.

On February 3rd we went in and eagerly awaited the consultation before transfer. When our doctor walked in smiling I felt so much better. He put the paper in front of us with pictures of the embryos and three out of four had survived the thaw. One didn't look very good and had a low grade, but two of them were already hatching on their own and in my mind were beautiful. :)

The transfer was just like the first time around except this time I drank less water and had to have my bladder filled instead of the last time drinking too much and having to have some of it emptied. Ahh the cath is horrible. We also didn't tell many people other than some family the day of transfer. It made things a lot easier and J had a few days off of work as well to be with me. For three days I laid in bed. I ate, slept, read, watched movies, and laughed a lot. I was really anxious to get up by day three, but I was determined to take it easy and follow orders this go around.

Five days after transfer I was having a low day. With IVF I just knew in my heart it worked and this time I knew in my heart it didn't. I think I was preparing myself for the letdown. So when J left for work (because I promised no tests this time lol) I took a test. There it was a faint line and we were back at it again.

Over the next week the line grew darker and when we went in for blood work I was shocked that my numbers came back at 511, then 1497, and finally 4884!!! At our first ultrasound we learned that I had fraternal twins :)

We were both in shock and hearing their heartbeats was amazing. We almost thought then to spill the beans but being through so much we waited. After eight weeks I lost one of the babies and so I was glad we made the decision not to say anything just yet. I felt a lot of sadness and wondering why or how this could happen. Trying to be happy to be pregnant with one baby and mourning the other is really hard to explain. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. For two weeks I wondered if the other baby would make it and I was an emotional hot mess again with the unknown.

I never had (or have had to this day) any pregnancy symptom so I was preparing myself for the worst at ten weeks, but at the ultrasound the baby was just fine. :) It was then that I felt like I needed to get it together and believe that it was really our time. So at eleven weeks the specialist released us and it was a lot of asking him if he was sure we were ready to go lol and a lot of worry on my part. Going to the OB was fearful. I had never made it to that point and if it wasn't for my specialist I would not be on my way to being a mom.

So here we are now. I am a little over thirteen weeks still without symptoms, but a week ago I had my first appointment and ultrasound with my doctor and the baby is a mover and a shaker. I don't look pregnant but am starting to get to that one cheeseburger too many look. I am still scared out of my mind for our next appointment in a few weeks because of all we have been through, but I am hopeful that our baby will continue to thrive. We have been through so much and I have no doubt that this baby is nothing short of a miracle to us. We are still cautious to look at baby stuff or plan the next step in preparing for baby. Right now we are just hoping for the best. :)

Sincerely,

A slightly pregnant