Booties yay or nay?

Last year when I first saw "booties" I wondered who in the right mind wanted to wear a half boot. Now the more I look at them I wonder if they are something worth wearing...

What do you think? Are "booties" cute with dresses or maybe even shorts in the spring or are they a complete no?

The Convenient Post

I am finally enjoying the world of the iPhone. My problem with Blogging regularly is I had to take time out to get on my laptop and upload pictures and moan, moan, moan. When I switched the Blackberry for the iPhone I discovered "there is an app for that."

December was hard lets face it. After all we had been through having a miscarriage was devastating. What I didn't mention in that post is after my doctor called I got another call that my grandma had passed away. Rough day that left me in denial for weeks to come. Both my grandmas death and the realization of my early miscarriage didn't hit me until after Christmas. It was without a doubt a crash waiting to happen.

Now we are busy figuring out the future again. Hopeful for more chances and hopeful for some success. This next time around I haven't felt as being open with things as before. Maybe it is because of the end result or the fact that it is not as exciting anymore for the what-if.

I continue to remain hopeful though and hold the thought in my head and heart that one day I will be a mom. For now I have these two precious fur children....Lawwwd knows if it doesn't work again I will be back in the puppy business. I may end up the crazy dog lady ha ha.

Cheerios Cheer Giveaway! *Today Only*

Last year I was a USO Ambassador. I am a HUGE advocate for the great things that the USO does. I have been to plenty of homecomings and farewells representing the USO and the satisfaction of giving our troops phone cards before they go or gift certificates for new boots when they get home is huge to them. The USO has many facilities around the US and abroad for our military and their families (like you and me =)). They provide care packages, food, services, and so much more to those who sacrifice the most.

Cheerios has teamed up with the USO already donating $150,000 and is donating an addition $100,000 based upon the number of postcards that were sent last month from specially marked boxes during their Cheer campaign.

We love Cheerios in our house and always have a box so when I saw this giveaway I had to bring it to you!

I could use some "cheer" too so the person who tells me the best quote to live by OR what one should do to cheer up and makes me laugh wins the following:

• 1 Cheerios cereal bowl
• 1 Cheerios cereal spoon
• 1 cereal dispenser
• 1 “Cheer” box of Cheerios

This giveaway ends today and the winner will be contacted by 7:00pm EST and MUST respond back by the end of the night with their shipping address so I can get your package out to you!

Disclosure: Cheerios cereal, information, and giveaway have been provided by General Mills through MyBlogSpark.

The end result

Eleven days ago I found out I was pregnant! I can't even begin to describe the excitement we felt as the tests got darker each day and the doctor's office confirmed my pregnancy. As planned we kept quiet to make sure the numbers doubled before we told our families the exciting news. To know after all of this I was finally pregnant and to actually see a positive test read "pregnant" after all of the tests over the past few years say "not pregnant" was extremely exciting.

We went back to the doctor again yesterday to make sure everything was looking good through my blood work. When our doctor called yesterday afternoon and not the nurse I knew right away it wasn't good. Dr. T called to tell us it wasn't good and I was losing the pregnancy. My numbers (hcg) went all the way down to the single digits just like that. So through lots of tears I asked what the next steps were, but there are no steps until we confirm that I am no longer pregnant and my body naturally does what it should do.

So now we know I can get pregnant. It was the most exciting few weeks of our lives together so far. I can't even describe how it feels after struggling for so long with infertility, paying over $15,000 dollars, finally getting that call to say we are pregnant, and then having it all gone the next day.

A lot of sorrow and sadness. It is not the end of our journey though we do know that. Hopefully I will get pregnant again and be able to stay that way in the future :)

XOXO,

Nothing to report...yet

Okay, I really thought I would not be anxious for the blood test but I am. I have gone from the fear of not having eggs, to none of my eggs fertilizing, and now that I can't get pregnant. When does this madness end!! I am driving myself batty counting down the days until blood. I will be the first person there when the day comes AND will have to threaten not to have me waiting all day. ;) Isn't that the worst? Waiting ALL day for results?

Every little cramp and backache now matters and I will read into anything.

My blood test is REALLY soon...

I have a good feeling today but every day changes ;)

Ohhh the torture...

I have read of people getting positive pregnancy tests at four and five days past a five day transfer. So I tested this morning...

It was negative.

Why do people like me do this?! Just pure torture. I always say I WILL NOT test until blood work and then when I get a chance to I justify it to myself and I do it. First Response has provided me with a stockpile of pregnancy tests for doing TLC's A Conception Story and I have yet to have a chance to use them so this is how I am justifying it.

I say I won't but I will probably test again...tomorrow.

I am still having my back and forth days that this will work or that it didn't. Today is a didn't and I blame it on the the negative test.

And so it begins...

We had ten embryos as of Monday. A little less than I had hoped for, but still more than enough to be thankful for. We sat down with the doctor and went over the two best ones. They were clearly the best and looked different than the rest. They grade the embryos and the ones that were picked had a grade AA and the other an AB. Really good! So I thought the transfer would be painless...ha.

You have to have a full bladder and I ended up laying there so long that they had to cath me to empty some of my bladder before continuing. Ahh the joys of baby making. The actual procedure lasted about twenty-five minutes. It is a little like having a pap mixed with an IUI (for my infertility friends). It is all ultrasound guided and afterwards the "tube" is checked to make sure the eggs have gone into the uterus. When the embryologist confirms that they drain your bladder and put a wedge under you for thirty minutes while you lay in recovery.

So I am officially two days past my transfer. I will be honest and say I am nervous and not looking forward to or am I antsy for the two week wait to end. I know the devastation if this is a no especially after how miserable I have felt the past week and the overly swollen beached whale look has really added to my mood. I have a good feeling that some of our embryos will freeze and we will be able to use those for future cycles and another chance. I guess I have just never had a positive pregnancy test so it is hard to think that could happen in a few weeks. I have plenty of thinking time on my hands now that I have to lay low through Thanksgiving...can you tell?

I could use some good vibes and well wishes. Let's hope something has decided my uterus looks cozy.

Love,

Egg Count Update

Well the Duggar family sized egg amount has changed. The nurse called yesterday and we now have SIXTEEN fertilized embryos. Woah! Although this number will likely change it was great to hear. The egg quality will be tested throughout the weekend as they are monitored to see how many are growing and developing. The hope is we won't get anymore calls and will go in on Monday to see pictures and talk about which ones are best to transfer and hopefully which ones are of a good grade to freeze.

Now for some more waiting....

The kids are in the "playground"

I survived! Yesterday was our egg retrieval and I really started to freak out and nerves kicked in as soon as the IV was in and the nurses came in to take me away to the procedure. Thank gosh for the anesthesiologist gracing me with some valium via the IV.

Everything went smoothly and when I woke up in recovery the doctor came in and told us the egg count. Ready for it...

TWENTY!

My ovaries really haven't shriveled up and died like I had previously thought. Although this is great news we still aren't sure of the quality and how many will fertilize. We should be getting a series of phone calls over the next few days with updates on the embryos in the playground. We are so very hopeful at least half will be of good quality and fertilize and we will have some to freeze incase the transfer does not work.

So today they are at this stage...

Pretty neat. Hopefully the doctor calls soon and eases some of my anxiety that not only do I have eggs now, but that a few are keepers.

IVF Fun!

I am in the midst of all the medication and fun currently. I feel blotted, miserable, and emotional. J is on this emotional roller coaster ride with me...lucky man. He has been great and has kept the jokes pretty minimal. I am currently going to the doctor every other day and working my way up to the retrieval.

I am on a cocktail concoction of fertility medicine and could probably open my own pharmacy (seen above). Currently my daily dose looks something like this...

I am taking Gonal-F right now (my dose was 225iu but is now at 150iu). I am also taking three 75iu vials of Menopur a day (I started with one, moved to two, and am now on three). Also, 20 units of Lupron both morning and night. Slowly but surely I am becoming a pin cushion.

I have thought about putting a picture of my bruised stomach up as well but I will save you all the glory of that. Some days I feel hopeful and optimistic and other days I have a hard time believing we are in the 50% of this working. It has been a long hard road so far and I do not believe this is the end, but some days I wonder if we have waited long enough for good things to come and now is our time. It is a "ride" for sure over here. One minute I am having a conversation cool calm and collected and the next I am biting J's head off for upsetting and and then I am crying. Lawwwd I bet J is glad to be on duty tonight ha ha.

I don't want to jinx the progress and will know more tomorrow, but currently I have 17 follicles the doctor could see as of yesterday growing. I know all of those won't catch up when it gets to retrieval time or they won't all include an egg, but I am very blessed even with such aggressive treatment that I am somewhat responding. My biggest fear has yet to come. Nope, it was not the responding part it is the retrieval part. I am worried my eggs won't be of good quality, they won't fertilize, or something. We have never had a "step" go smoothly so it is really hard to think the biggest questionable part will.

Ahhh! Until next time,

Ahh So Nervous

I started taking birth control two days ago. It is the first step before our IVF process. I swore off birth control pills a few years ago telling J I would never take them again thinking that was my issue for not getting pregnant (insert laugh). I was really nervous taking it the first night because I am seriously worried about blood clots or something bad happening. I dislike any medicine in my body lol.

I have been talking to a few people that have gone through IVF in my area and listening to their medicine list has me freaked out. I actually couldn't sleep last night thinking about the amount of shots and things I will be taking for two weeks. I am extremely nervous going forward and putting my body through this. I actually almost woke up J to tell him I didn't want to anymore :(

I have a lot of what if's going on. What if it does not work, what if my FSH is too high and the cycle is cancelled, what if I do not produce follicles, what if all the embryos never turn out to be good ones, what if, what if, what if....Augh!

I am hopeful this is our answer, but even Jason asked the other night if I was nervous for all of it. I played it off cool and said, "Not really." Seriously though lol who wouldn't be? Continued prayers our way would be great.

Gosh if this did work I would be a mama! :) If it doesn't maybe we could get another dog? Then I would be well on my way to that crazy dog lady with all the dogs lol....

TLC Update

You can still follow our story over on TLC. We have just updated our blog over there a few weeks ago and a new video will be uploaded sometime soon...

For now here is our most recent video on TLC...