Day Seventy-Two.

The start of another long week! I put all of the guys Christmas gifts together today, baked cookies, laundry, and homework. This week I have school, a final, work, family coming to town, Christmas party for work, and volunteer stuff. What a fun life I lead...

Tomorrow is the start to a new month! I try to always think of each day as how it will be next year and wonder what we will be doing. The one thing I do know is next year I wont spend the holidays alone and that excites me. Jason and I aren't very big holiday people. I think the real meaning of Christmas has become greed and some hectic rush to get from here and there and please everyone. The past two years we have spent them without a big celebration. It has been just the two of us and a perfect quiet night at home. We have started our own traditions though and look forward to carrying them on each holiday season that we do get together.

Day Seventy-One.

I can't wait to get back to the days of long laughs, Colbert Report in bed, squirt bottle fights, dinner table talks, geocaching, long walks with Emmie, and falling asleep on long rides with the top down in the Mustang with my head on his lap.

Another day down!

Day Seventy.

Only for my husband and seven other guys would I get up at 2:30am and go shopping on Black Friday ha. I'm in the process of putting together Christmas gifts for all the guys in Jason's squad to send on Monday. Jason works with some great guys and we always try to do what we can for them so it was a given for me to do this. Not to mention how fabulous of a wife I am too haha ;)

Each guy will get a stocking with:
-Toothpaste
-Toothbrush
-Face wash
-Gum
-Floss
-Kleenex
-Gold Bond
-Chapstick
-Movies

Jason gets a stocking too, but he gets extra special stuff since I have sent him a lot of these things in the past few months :)

Yay!

Day Sixty-Nine.

In honor of Turkey Day...

I am thankful for my amazing husband and our rock solid marriage first and foremost. I have been blessed in all areas of my life and couldn't be more thankful for the family and friends that have made it that way. Who could forget the guys fighting for this country too :)

I am also thankful for the military. Lets face it without them I wouldn't have food on my table, a roof over my head, and medical insurance haha. Looking at it in a positive light though the military hasn't only provided me with those things, but the ability to not take others for granite and to embrace each day especially with your loved ones.

I know a void is always in my heart on these days that cant be filled with Jason overseas, but I am very proud of him and the job he is doing. An amazing amazing man!

Day Sixty-Eight.

I bought Jason an amazing Christmas gift or so I thought. I spent a lot of time researching and trying to figure out what would be best. I ended up getting him a Flip digital HD video camera for Christmas. I had a custom design done on it so it hasn't shipped yet and I am worried I wont get it to him by Christmas. Why you may be wondering am I saying what I bought for him before he gets it? Well I already told him ha. I wasn't going to, but he called today and I am horrible at secrets so I told him and it was nice to hear his reaction since I wont be able to see it. I think he is really going to like it :)
94. Donate.
I donated to Operation Hero this past weekend for toys for children with a deployed parent this Christmas.

86. Put addresses in an address book.
Finally!

53. Buy a bottle of red wine instead of white.
Did it and love it

49. Subscribe to a new magazine.
Simple and Delicious better be good!

Day Sixty-Seven.

So tired of lonely.

So tired of worry.

:(

Day Sixty-Six.

Just about three hundred days left.

haha.

Day Sixty-Five.

Marriage over time becomes a dependence on another person for the love, nurturing, partnership, companionship, etc that you want and need in life. Isn't it funny that when you marry someone who has a job like the military it is the love, nurturing, companionship, partnership etc that you need of yourself. It is the independence you must accept on yourself instead of the dependence on your partner. I spend a lot of time married and alone. The thought of the amount of time I am without my husband would scare a lot of people, but accepting that and being okay with it is what makes it not only bearable but successful.

I would love my husband with a 9 to 5 job and home 365 days a year too, but I also love my husband just the way he comes without a 9 to 5 and some times never even home one day out of that 365. Truthfully, I wouldnt change it. I know he loves what he is doing and come on being married to a real America hero is hard to beat. ;)

Day Sixty-Four.

The wedding ended up being so hectic, but I am happy for Courtney and Alexx. I think if they lived closer things may have been smoother because they could have planned it with more things set in stone. I realize being married and dateless sucks. I missed my husband so much more today being at an event like that. Anything where you wish you didn't have to go alone to makes being apart so much harder. I kept it together though up until they played our song and then I was a bit emotional. As I was about to make the drive back though he called. It was perfect timing to tell him about everything and a nice ending to a long day.

Now the majority of my friends are married. Yay! Next year we might save even more money with less dresses to buy haha. :)

Day Sixty-Three.

Nothing beats taking your mom as your date to a wedding when your husband is deployed ha! My mom came with me for the weekend to Courtney and Alexx's wedding and I really am so glad she did. I would be lonely without her here and all by myself for sure. The rehearsal and dinner were very disorganzied and then some were going to go to the bar/bowling alley, but I opted on just going back to relax with my mom. If Jason was around I'd probably be more outgoing, but without him I'm not as much of a social person. Sad sad.

Now I'm off to get some sleep. I have a long day tomorrow and am going to drive the long way back to my parents after. However, I did hear from Jason this morning and we were able to talk for a little bit. I also sent him a box on my way out of town so hopefully he gets that before the Christmas madness!

Another day down!

Day Sixty-Two.

TWO MONTHS DOWN!!!

Two months I don't have to repeat and ten months closer to this deployment being over with!!!

The thought of being with Jason this time next year and this all being a closed chapter gives me butterflies. :)

Day Sixty-One.

A phone call AND an email today! Something so simple and someone so important on the other end is all it takes to make what seems unbearable a little more easier.

I am so thankful for Jason, but not just for him but for YOU! I just want to thank all of you girls that I know read this every day and that are amazing friends to me. Without all of you I would never be able to get through this alone. You will never know how much I appreciate the encouragement and always checking up on me. ALL of you are the greatest!

Day Sixty.

I believe this whole week may end up being crappy. I got to talk to Jason this morning and was very excited to actually get a few minutes to do so. I emailed him last night and kind of told him I felt broke down. The basic I'm sad, emotional, and lost without you stuff, but that I know in the end this will strengthen both of us individually and together. I don't want him worrying about me, but he is my sanity and the one person I feel I can tell everything to. So I thought after this morning I would hear form him again and that didn't happen. I couldn't help but feel disappointed that he didn't get back online, but it just is a feeling you cant escape. I know it is not him and in no way would I be disappointed with him it is just the situation and feeling so small not to be able to change any of it.

He has been very busy with everything lately and working hard. I'm grateful that I even have communication with him, but I cant wait until I can just talk to him about everything or joke about the world. I really miss my best friend and so far this week it has gotten the best of me.

Day Fifty-Nine.

Another night alone. Thank you Army! :)

Day Fifty-Eight.

I know I can't be strong every day.

I feel on the verge of a breakdown today.

I'm so stressed out every day worrying about the one person who is my whole life. I know it comes with the territory, but it is hard to swallow that some days. I miss my husband so much. :(

Day Fifty-Seven.

I was watching TV today and a woman on there said that she wouldn't want anything different if she won the lottery. She said she loved her house, the car she drove, her husband, and her life. I wonder how many people truly feel that way. I know we all think of the things we would buy or the places we would go with a million dollars, but in all honesty would you change anything? I had to agree with the woman who said nothing in her life would be worth changing. I know how it feels to calculate the last little bit of money in the bank or to be late paying a bill or even to max out a credit card, but I would never change my life. We may not have a ton of money or many fancy things, but in all honesty I love my husband and the things we do have. The most important thing is happiness not a million dollars and an exotic vacation. Although many days it would be nice I honestly don't think there is one thing I would change. I love my simple life. :)

Day Fifty-Six.

I had a very long morning at work before I was able to have the afternoon off to go to my appointment with my new doctor for the time being. When I got there and filled out all my paperwork they put me in a room with a recliner. None of the rooms had exam tables. A little odd yes, but I had to wait a damn hour for her to come in so I was able to rock myself pretty much asleep in the meantime ha. She seems like a nice doctor although I still am bummed my old doctor doesn't take my Tricare insurance or that I have to even begin seeing another doctor after all the ones I have had to see in the past year. The only thing I didn't care for was the amount she tried to pry in and get out of me about Jason being gone. I don't mind the basic questions of how he is or if it is hard because they are obvious, but when someone asks too much or makes too many assumptions about my emotions and how hard it is on me it makes me emotional. Other than that though I am in good health and they have a room with an exam table if needed haha.

Tomorrow night is girls night out. Oh the excitement! I haven't had one of those in a long time. It will be nice to just enjoy my other married friends whom I haven't spent time with in so very long and to catch up and have a good time. I am really looking forward to it :)

Day Fifty-Five.

I got a package today from Jason and he bought me a new Kodak digital camera in pink ahhh! He also got all the things I would need to go with it. What a good hubby :) Now I can take pictures of things and share them with him. I am so excited!

Day Fifty-Four.

So after my post last night I couldn't sleep. I stayed up very late talking to Flamingo and Jason ended up getting online towards the end of our conversation. Guess what happened next?

We got to webcam! I didn't cry like I thought I would but I felt butterflies when I saw him. I feel like I did the first day we met almost three years ago all over again. I couldn't sleep after and kept thinking about how lucky I was to see him and how great he looked. Pretty much like some first grade crush haha.

It made my whole day though :) It was super special.

Day Fifty-Three.

Jason has the internet!!!

It is super shitty but semi works ha. This must mean I am SUPER close to seeing his face via webcam. Ahhh <3

Day Fifty-Two.

I knew yesterday I was starting to come down with something and now I know I am totally sick. I am hoping it ends up being just a cold, but it is flu season too. My luck is never great when it comes to being sick. Iprefer to go big or go home ha. I went and bought Vitamin C drops and some Theraflu pills for at night. Hopefully it doesn't get me down as the week goes on because I have such a busy one. I could really use some chicken noodle soup. Maybe the Army and I could be friends and they could send Jason home for a night...or two...to make me homemade chicken noodle soup like he did last time I was sick. I love pushing my luck ha.

Day Fifty-One.

Where did my weekend go?

Teresa does not like Monday's.

Day Fifty.

Fifty days down!

Jason will be so proud to know I went to the casino and left with forty dollars. I am the queen of losing or winning and putting it all back in the machine. In celebration of a whole fifty days apart so far I will give half of my winnings to my hubby. A whole twenty dollars haha! What a rich guy ;)

Day Forty-Nine.

If my coworker doesn't stop giving me chocolate and snacks every day I am going to be a fat girl. I got to work today and was presented with a custard filled donut. How can you say no to one of those? I felt bad eating it, but I did so obviously not too bad haha. Every day I am gifted with mini candy bars, chocolate, pretzel sticks, cheese and crackers, etc. She is like the guilty pleasure fairy. I sure love her though...I mean who else is going to bring me a donut to work?

I haven't signed up for our Christmas party yet because it says "Bring your husband or wife!" That makes me a sad panda. Maybe I can sign Jason up and get his raffle ticket for an extra chance of winning a prize though??? Hmm I'm always scandalous like that ha.

Day Forty-Eight.

I am almost to fifty days and I feel like I am doing great. Lord I never thought I would even make It this far at the beginning haha. Jason and I are an amazing team and are both so very supportive of each other. We don't fight or bicker although on occasion we have our disagreements like anyone else, but when we are apart it only strengthens us (as this is once again proving). I have a fabulous marriage and most importantly an amazing husband who makes it that. :)

Day Forty-Seven.

The future is nothing I can change, but I feel sad for anyone who voted for someone because he wants to bring the troops home. We all want the troops home, but no matter who is President it isn't going to happen tomorrow. I feel sad for simple minded people who believe my husband will be home more often and maybe even sooner than the end of next year. In reality that isn't going to happen. Obama has plans for other countries so in a few years I will be thanking you for pulling my husband out of Iraq so he can get new fresh scenery in places like Afghanistan and Pakistan.

While I am extra bitchy today I am going to end on one thing that really gets to me. I feel sorry for simple minded people who also do not believe my husband wants to do his job. No one wants to leave their family for a year or live in a dangerous area with shitty conditions, but Jason loves his job and I feel bad that I even have to remind people of that. Some of our friends think he doesn't feel he has other options since it is a steady paycheck or that he really doesn't like it, but none of those things should have to be justified. If anyone would want him home and safe every night there answer is obviously me. As far as a steady paycheck get a grip my husband is freakin smart and could do any job you handed him. I sometimes question the senseless taste of someone who feels they know what my husband wants as if he doesn't know for himself. If anything shut your trap and just stand behind him and support him.

So that is it. I pray for the goodness of this country and my thoughts are left there. I am a prime example of the hundreds of thousands of other military wives who are scared and worried about their husbands and their family in the future. Back to supporting my husband and everyone else who is truly affected by any of this. Lord knows I dont need to discuss taxes or abortions.

88. Vote
I did it giving me the right to write this post.

Day Forty-Six.

Thank you America! I cant help but feel sad and disappointed tonight as our new President is going to be a man that has been to 57 states, sees fallen hero's in the audience of his speeches, has a wife who has never been proud of her country, cant put his hand on his heart during the national anthem, and most importantly doesn't believe in the job my husband is doing. Wow. Everyone keeps saying "change." Our country needs some change no doubt, but honestly what is "change?" Obama supporters say change, change, change but can never give an answer to what it is. I have a hard time understanding the choice we just made for our new future.

Day Forty-Five.

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.<3

Day Forty-Four.

Ahh I woke up in the middle of the night and had an email from Jason. He is pretty fantastic. I spent the day with my mom since both my brother and dad are out of town. We went out to dinner and to do my monthly shopping. I haven't had to spend too much on groceries or essentials, but about once a month I go buy the things I need for meals and snacks for my busy days at work and school. I also bought some things to send to Jason tomorrow. Yay! The best news is they had one Wii Fit left at the store, and guess who the new proud owner is? Woot woot! The rest of the night we spent testing it out. I was so thankful to see I was of normal weight and had a great BMI haha. I still would like to lose some weight and get into ideal health to me before we begin to have a family ;) Then the regular trashy TV I like on Sunday nights and now I am in bed. Emmie is hiding her cookie under my side as I type this so she can bark at it once she is done. What a great day and a silly dog!

97. Grind Coffee
My mom taught me today how to use the machine to grind coffee. I was so delighted to pick the chocolate velvet, but then the beans wouldn't come out. Next up I picked caramel truffle and again the beans wouldn't come out. When I settled on pumpkin spice I went to grind the beans and the ledge was broken. The next thing you see is my mom and I standing in the middle of the aisle with ground beans at our feet and all over me. We laughed so hard and needless to say all that effort and I came home with a bag of Folger's haha.

Day Forty-Three.

Some people cant stand their in-laws or have nothing to do but complain about them. Honestly, I have been blessed to have an extended family that I feel comfortable with. I know my husband isn't as close to his family as many people are, but they sure do love him...and me :) It was nice to spend the day with them. We caught up on everything in the family and of course Jason and then went to dinner. Emmie spent the day torturing the cat like we figured she would do and playing with cat toys. My MIL wanted us to stay, but I didn't pack for that and honestly don't think well actually I know I'm not ready to sleep up in Jason's room without him there with me. I was sad not to have him there when I got there, and sad when I made the drive back. Overall though it was the best it could be and they are talking about possibly driving up to see me soon. Yay!

It has been six weeks since Jason left. It doesn't feel like it has been that long and then it feels like it is too short to consider it much for how long the time apart will be. I feel accomplished when every week I can add a number to my total that has passed. I cant wait to claim victory when this is all over with and to have my husband back home again. Life is so much better with him by my side.