03 December 2010

Jaw Drop Part 1

I have gone back and forth about making this public and sharing my story with everyone. The truth to this is too many people don’t talk about it (but someone needs to!) because they feel ashamed, punished, or different from everyone else…

Hi, my name is TJ and my husband and I are infertile (yep, insert mouth drop for a lot of you who know me in real life =)).

When we were married we had always planned on children. We decided to spend time together before that step so we could enjoy each other. We took two honeymoons, traveled to a bunch of states, added a few dogs to our family, paid off our debts, J went to Iraq x2 and purchased all the things we had dreamed of purchasing before the expense of a child. We felt like we did it the right way and the time came for a little bitty baby.

We tried…and tried…and tried. Nothing. I took my temperature, charted my temperature, became best friends with those little ovulation sticks, took Fertilaid/Preseed/anything anyone “trying” becomes familiar with, read a ton of books and nothing was working. I went to the doctor a few times because I knew something was wrong. I just had this gut feeling, but every time they told me to “just hang in there.” So we continued on and then it became disappointing. Each test that was negative and each time my period showed up I would cry. It took a toll on me and mentally knowing something was just not right and not having any help ate at me. I watched my friends have babies, the friends I was “trying with” get pregnant and have their babies…it was heartbreaking.

When we moved I scheduled a doctor appointment the day J left for another school. FINALLY someone wanted to hear my story. She looked over my cycle timelines I had and asked a bunch of questions and sent me for blood work. She was the start of the help I needed and I can’t thank her enough for finally being the one who listened. When my blood work came back fine they referred me off post to a doctor in town. Again, I sat there and discussed everything with her and she started me on Clomid.

I took the Clomid feeling like that was going to be the magic trick. However, when I went for blood work to make sure I ovulated I already knew in my heart I hadn’t. I went back to the doctor and she gave me a higher prescription and a referral to a fertility specialist just to talk about things and see what he thought. I thought, “Fertility specialist? Really? Could we be infertile?” I discussed with her that I felt like maybe the problem wasn’t just me that something was tugging at my heart that it was both my husband and I. She put in an order for him to have his blood work taken and an analysis just to make sure everything was okay and we could rule him out and put my mind at ease.

A few weeks later she called me and said it was not just me now it was my husband too. Great! The good news was there was something there and as we all know it only takes one egg and one sperm so the results were a relief, but also a bit saddening. She encouraged me to go to the specialist again so I called and made an appointment...



Lisa said...

I'm so sorry to hear that this has been so difficult for you both! I hope that it gets easier, and you get the child you're dreaming of!

I've been worried that the same will happen to me, when we get married and start trying for kids.

Jessica said...

I'm so glad that you posted this. I'm not sure why it's such a taboo subject when so many people go through it. I will have the same trouble if/when my husband and I decide to have kids.

On a completely different subject, where in GA are you stationed at?

Alexandra said...

Not everyone has the courage to write about something like infertility, cuddos to you :) I hope you can welcome a baby in your family soon.

Amanda said...

Keeping you in my thoughts. I pray that you and your husband will be expecting a baby soon! :)

Amber said...

Hugs! I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Amanda C. said...

awe! im so sorry to hear that!!! i really hope things get easier for ya'll.

Karren said...

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this! My husband and I had trouble also, so I know how difficult it is to finally come out and let the world know what you're going through..

Praying you will see two pink lines SOON!

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