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04 December 2010

Jaw Drop Part 2

Of course the day my appointment fell on was a day J couldn’t go with me. I was nervous after one of the nurses took me to the consultation room and I waited for the doctor. It was better than I thought though when he entered the room and we discussed everything that had been going on. He talked to me about treatments and then we went right to ultrasound. Everything looked good by ultrasound and blood work was taken and I was put on Prometrium to induce a period.

When my period came that month I called on cycle day 3 like they said and went in to what I had no clue was the start of going to the doctor every week three times for a very long time! That month I also had an HSG which is a dye test to make sure your tubes aren’t blocked and that everything looks good. I wouldn’t wish one of those upon my worst enemy. I laid on the cold metal table crying as I felt the dye move into my ovaries. Augh!

At this point I started Femara as well to try to help my follicles grow and to try to get me to ovulate in a timely fashion. Femara is a drug used most often to treat women with breast cancer and is much stronger than Clomid. When I went in though I found out that too didn’t work. I tried a higher dose of Clomid with Femara back to back and my ovaries weren’t having it.

I went back onto the medicine to induce a period because the cycle was now a bust and what my doctor didn’t want to do we had to do. I started taking daily injections in my stomach (yep, every night I give myself a shot). The Gonal-F injections worked!! After almost two months seeing the specialist I was so excited to finally find out follicles were growing and it was only a matter of days until we would be able to “try” again. Then just days later at my next ultrasound my ovaries had over stimulated! Augh…

I was in tears as the doctor told me I had to take a month off and go back on birth control to shrink the size of my ovaries because they were starting to twist and it could be a dangerous situation. I came home and cried…and cried…and cried. This is where I felt the heartbreak and began to question why we were being punished. What did we do to make it so hard to have a baby? What can we “fix” to make things better so we will have a baby? I gave myself a good few days to sob over everything and then I took that month as a time for me. I went home to visit family since I could because I didn’t have to be at the doctor, I worked out harder, spent quality time with J without the baby talk, and felt really positive by the time it was time to go back. Maybe I really needed that?

This brings it closer to today. Although I do not want to discuss my current treatment as I feel like I will somehow jinx myself (ha) I will say Tricare is a blessing (or not). We have self-paid for the treatment we need and what I will say is the cost without insurance is pricey. We feel positive though and I am still taking those shots each day. I have ovulated too! So we are making progress and I will update again in the future.

A lot of people ask me if it has brought problems to my marriage. What I have to say to that is no. : ) This has actually brought J and I closer than ever before. I believe no one is given more than they can handle and the two of us were strong enough to deal with something like this. He is an amazing support system, a shoulder to cry on and above all a fabulous husband carting me around on days I have major testing or need him at the doctor too.

I appreciate everyone’s well wishes and good vibes! I don’t want sympathy or suggestions (the worst is when someone suggests, “Have you tried green tea?” or “Have you tried fifteen minutes with your legs in the air?” Oh gosh it never ends). I don’t want to feel different (when people don’t share their own joys with me because they are worried it will hurt my feelings or the conversation of their own pregnancy will be “awkward”). I am a normal human being still because this doesn’t make me different from anyone else. No one ever knows they will be on this kind of journey themselves until it happens.

One day Baby J will be on the way there is no doubt about that,

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7 comments:

Jessica said...

I am happy to read that you are so positive! I hope, if I have to go through this, that I am as positive as you are. I am praying that you get your miracle baby!

Megan said...

You are such a strong and positive person! What a tough situation to go through. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Y'all deserve the best and I truly hope it comes to y'all soon!

Random Musings Of My Life said...

Thank you for sharing your story, and I can totally relate but on a different scale. With my husband just finding out he has Cancer EVERYONE has a say something to "try" one person tried to convince met that "drs are not always right.. it might not be Cancer? really?

I am also going through my own baby thing. We do not have kids, and never really wanted to but now that we will not be able to my heart is having a change of heart...

I will keep you in our prayers to have the healthy, happy baby that is destined to be for you!

You are right about everything happening for a reason.. being positive will get you through!

Meg said...

oh teresa! I was so sad to read this and the other post. BUT, I really think you're onto something thinking positively and I admire you two for using this trying time to stregthen your already awesome bond as husband and wife. Fingers crossed that the injections will work their magic soon and that Baby J will be on the way.

-Meg

Post Tenebras Lux said...

I'm sorry you are in a hard place. I hope that it will be brief (relatively speaking) and bring good things for you both.

Samantha the ArmyWife said...

Good for you girl! Remain positive! my sister went through full-blown IVF so I saw it from that perspective and I know it can be difficult. Good luck to you and J!

ashley said...

I haven't been blogging lately, so I didn't see this until now. I didn't know what exactly was going on with you, but I sensed it was something to do with babies.

I can't imagine how hard this is for you but you have an amazing attitude. I swear positivity is everything and your bright outlook and determination will bring you a baby J, I have no doubt. I'll be thinking about you!