Of course the day my appointment fell on was a day J couldn’t go with me. I was nervous after one of the nurses took me to the consultation room and I waited for the doctor. It was better than I thought though when he entered the room and we discussed everything that had been going on. He talked to me about treatments and then we went right to ultrasound. Everything looked good by ultrasound and blood work was taken and I was put on Prometrium to induce a period.
When my period came that month I called on cycle day 3 like they said and went in to what I had no clue was the start of going to the doctor every week three times for a very long time! That month I also had an HSG which is a dye test to make sure your tubes aren’t blocked and that everything looks good. I wouldn’t wish one of those upon my worst enemy. I laid on the cold metal table crying as I felt the dye move into my ovaries. Augh!
At this point I started Femara as well to try to help my follicles grow and to try to get me to ovulate in a timely fashion. Femara is a drug used most often to treat women with breast cancer and is much stronger than Clomid. When I went in though I found out that too didn’t work. I tried a higher dose of Clomid with Femara back to back and my ovaries weren’t having it.
I went back onto the medicine to induce a period because the cycle was now a bust and what my doctor didn’t want to do we had to do. I started taking daily injections in my stomach (yep, every night I give myself a shot). The Gonal-F injections worked!! After almost two months seeing the specialist I was so excited to finally find out follicles were growing and it was only a matter of days until we would be able to “try” again. Then just days later at my next ultrasound my ovaries had over stimulated! Augh…
I was in tears as the doctor told me I had to take a month off and go back on birth control to shrink the size of my ovaries because they were starting to twist and it could be a dangerous situation. I came home and cried…and cried…and cried. This is where I felt the heartbreak and began to question why we were being punished. What did we do to make it so hard to have a baby? What can we “fix” to make things better so we will have a baby? I gave myself a good few days to sob over everything and then I took that month as a time for me. I went home to visit family since I could because I didn’t have to be at the doctor, I worked out harder, spent quality time with J without the baby talk, and felt really positive by the time it was time to go back. Maybe I really needed that?
This brings it closer to today. Although I do not want to discuss my current treatment as I feel like I will somehow jinx myself (ha) I will say Tricare is a blessing (or not). We have self-paid for the treatment we need and what I will say is the cost without insurance is pricey. We feel positive though and I am still taking those shots each day. I have ovulated too! So we are making progress and I will update again in the future.
A lot of people ask me if it has brought problems to my marriage. What I have to say to that is no. : ) This has actually brought J and I closer than ever before. I believe no one is given more than they can handle and the two of us were strong enough to deal with something like this. He is an amazing support system, a shoulder to cry on and above all a fabulous husband carting me around on days I have major testing or need him at the doctor too.
I appreciate everyone’s well wishes and good vibes! I don’t want sympathy or suggestions (the worst is when someone suggests, “Have you tried green tea?” or “Have you tried fifteen minutes with your legs in the air?” Oh gosh it never ends). I don’t want to feel different (when people don’t share their own joys with me because they are worried it will hurt my feelings or the conversation of their own pregnancy will be “awkward”). I am a normal human being still because this doesn’t make me different from anyone else. No one ever knows they will be on this kind of journey themselves until it happens.
One day Baby J will be on the way there is no doubt about that,