Some of my favorite things...

Years ago (gosh that saying makes me feel old) my mom and I decided to take a yoga class a few days a week. We thought it was going to be this enjoyable experience, but the hairy armpits of the instructor and her loud breathing and seriousness made my mom and I just laugh. We truly tried to enjoy it and I felt the stress relief I remember that part, but the instructor was just off the wall. Ever since then I do yoga at home...



Every year I say I will find more time for myself and it never seems to happen. I have a running list of things I want to do next year, but one thing is for sure and that is to fit more time in for exercise, running, and yoga.



I have this yoga mat...

What I love about Aurorae Yoga is that each mat they sell has a different meaning by the color. This mat is also thick and extra long for those who are tall...I am of a normal height, but ya know it is good for the taller model types as well.

If you are thinking yoga Aurorae Yoga is the place to buy your stuff. They have some really cool items as well like the slip free rosin bag that makes it easier to stop slipping on your mat when you are sweating your stuff off. Check it out!

Enjoy,

Thank You!

I just want to let everyone who has emailed me and messaged me to tell me thank you how much I really THANK YOU. I know I am not alone and neither are you! I haven't had time to email everyone back as I am working on finals right now in school, but you will all be hearing from me. :)

I know personally that reading a story that reflects your own life and struggles can sometimes make you feel like you are not alone and that is why I have shared mine. I have kept my struggles a secret for well over a year and knew by sharing it others would be able to relate because believe it or not 1 in 4 couples will need help to conceive! That is a big number.

So know I am thinking of you all and as soon as school slows down I will be answering each of you that have reached out!

XOXO,

Jaw Drop Part 2

Of course the day my appointment fell on was a day J couldn’t go with me. I was nervous after one of the nurses took me to the consultation room and I waited for the doctor. It was better than I thought though when he entered the room and we discussed everything that had been going on. He talked to me about treatments and then we went right to ultrasound. Everything looked good by ultrasound and blood work was taken and I was put on Prometrium to induce a period.

When my period came that month I called on cycle day 3 like they said and went in to what I had no clue was the start of going to the doctor every week three times for a very long time! That month I also had an HSG which is a dye test to make sure your tubes aren’t blocked and that everything looks good. I wouldn’t wish one of those upon my worst enemy. I laid on the cold metal table crying as I felt the dye move into my ovaries. Augh!

At this point I started Femara as well to try to help my follicles grow and to try to get me to ovulate in a timely fashion. Femara is a drug used most often to treat women with breast cancer and is much stronger than Clomid. When I went in though I found out that too didn’t work. I tried a higher dose of Clomid with Femara back to back and my ovaries weren’t having it.

I went back onto the medicine to induce a period because the cycle was now a bust and what my doctor didn’t want to do we had to do. I started taking daily injections in my stomach (yep, every night I give myself a shot). The Gonal-F injections worked!! After almost two months seeing the specialist I was so excited to finally find out follicles were growing and it was only a matter of days until we would be able to “try” again. Then just days later at my next ultrasound my ovaries had over stimulated! Augh…

I was in tears as the doctor told me I had to take a month off and go back on birth control to shrink the size of my ovaries because they were starting to twist and it could be a dangerous situation. I came home and cried…and cried…and cried. This is where I felt the heartbreak and began to question why we were being punished. What did we do to make it so hard to have a baby? What can we “fix” to make things better so we will have a baby? I gave myself a good few days to sob over everything and then I took that month as a time for me. I went home to visit family since I could because I didn’t have to be at the doctor, I worked out harder, spent quality time with J without the baby talk, and felt really positive by the time it was time to go back. Maybe I really needed that?

This brings it closer to today. Although I do not want to discuss my current treatment as I feel like I will somehow jinx myself (ha) I will say Tricare is a blessing (or not). We have self-paid for the treatment we need and what I will say is the cost without insurance is pricey. We feel positive though and I am still taking those shots each day. I have ovulated too! So we are making progress and I will update again in the future.

A lot of people ask me if it has brought problems to my marriage. What I have to say to that is no. : ) This has actually brought J and I closer than ever before. I believe no one is given more than they can handle and the two of us were strong enough to deal with something like this. He is an amazing support system, a shoulder to cry on and above all a fabulous husband carting me around on days I have major testing or need him at the doctor too.

I appreciate everyone’s well wishes and good vibes! I don’t want sympathy or suggestions (the worst is when someone suggests, “Have you tried green tea?” or “Have you tried fifteen minutes with your legs in the air?” Oh gosh it never ends). I don’t want to feel different (when people don’t share their own joys with me because they are worried it will hurt my feelings or the conversation of their own pregnancy will be “awkward”). I am a normal human being still because this doesn’t make me different from anyone else. No one ever knows they will be on this kind of journey themselves until it happens.

One day Baby J will be on the way there is no doubt about that,

Jaw Drop Part 1

I have gone back and forth about making this public and sharing my story with everyone. The truth to this is too many people don’t talk about it (but someone needs to!) because they feel ashamed, punished, or different from everyone else…

Hi, my name is TJ and my husband and I are infertile (yep, insert mouth drop for a lot of you who know me in real life =)).

When we were married we had always planned on children. We decided to spend time together before that step so we could enjoy each other. We took two honeymoons, traveled to a bunch of states, added a few dogs to our family, paid off our debts, J went to Iraq x2 and purchased all the things we had dreamed of purchasing before the expense of a child. We felt like we did it the right way and the time came for a little bitty baby.

We tried…and tried…and tried. Nothing. I took my temperature, charted my temperature, became best friends with those little ovulation sticks, took Fertilaid/Preseed/anything anyone “trying” becomes familiar with, read a ton of books and nothing was working. I went to the doctor a few times because I knew something was wrong. I just had this gut feeling, but every time they told me to “just hang in there.” So we continued on and then it became disappointing. Each test that was negative and each time my period showed up I would cry. It took a toll on me and mentally knowing something was just not right and not having any help ate at me. I watched my friends have babies, the friends I was “trying with” get pregnant and have their babies…it was heartbreaking.

When we moved I scheduled a doctor appointment the day J left for another school. FINALLY someone wanted to hear my story. She looked over my cycle timelines I had and asked a bunch of questions and sent me for blood work. She was the start of the help I needed and I can’t thank her enough for finally being the one who listened. When my blood work came back fine they referred me off post to a doctor in town. Again, I sat there and discussed everything with her and she started me on Clomid.

I took the Clomid feeling like that was going to be the magic trick. However, when I went for blood work to make sure I ovulated I already knew in my heart I hadn’t. I went back to the doctor and she gave me a higher prescription and a referral to a fertility specialist just to talk about things and see what he thought. I thought, “Fertility specialist? Really? Could we be infertile?” I discussed with her that I felt like maybe the problem wasn’t just me that something was tugging at my heart that it was both my husband and I. She put in an order for him to have his blood work taken and an analysis just to make sure everything was okay and we could rule him out and put my mind at ease.

A few weeks later she called me and said it was not just me now it was my husband too. Great! The good news was there was something there and as we all know it only takes one egg and one sperm so the results were a relief, but also a bit saddening. She encouraged me to go to the specialist again so I called and made an appointment...

Renuzit Winners!

Congratulations girls! Please send me your contact information so I can get your cones out!

#3 Chambanachik

#6 Random Musings Of My Life