In February I took some much needed time off from the doctor. It was good for my own sanity because I was at the point that I was on the verge of tears EVERY day.
So in the six weeks we had off from the doctor it was so refreshing not to discuss babies, medicine, take shots, bills, how will we afford this, what is the next step, etc. etc. We did come to an agreement that we would have IVF. I have tried to get into a military facility that does do it, but Tricare has been denying it even though they wouldn't be paying for it.
We have discussed having our current doctor do it, but it will cost us an arm and a leg. We will have to take a loan out for something that isn't 100% guaranteed and that is what hurts the most. Between school, the doctor, and every day life and bills I am constantly stressing out about the money. It makes me sick to think we will fork over an estimate of $15,000 for something that could just put us back at square one. Ohhh gosh I need a benefit spaghetti dinner lol...
I went back to my doctor on Monday when I thought we would start a new cycle with him. He crossed his arms after looking at my chart and my progress and said, "I am going to be honest with you..." The whole time I was thinking to myself, "Be strong don't cry, be strong wait until the damn car." He then went on to say we have tried a lot of cycles with injectables, IUI, and my follicle stimulating hormone just continues to rise and at this point he isn't sure of my egg quality. Sigh. I knew what he was going to say and in my heart I have known things just are not working.
We know that we have to try IVF that anything else just is not working because I am not super producing eggs when being stimulated and my FSH is very high for my age. I just have such a heavy heart to put myself through so much more heavy medicine and injections plus debt for something that may not be it. I know if we don't try it I will regret it and I know if we do try it and it were for some miracle the answer that worked it would be worth all the money in the world. In that should be my answer, but the only thing I am left thinking is how much heartbreak can someone handle?
So I put our name on a list...
If we do IVF here it will be in August. The doctor has warned us that the chances aren't as high because of my follicle stimulating hormone, but it is the only way they can look at my egg quality under a microscope. Until then I will continue to keep pressing Tricare to give me a referral to a military facility that offers IVF as well and explore any other option we may come across to help us pay for this.
Even on my weakest days I get a little bit stronger,