Baby J is on the way!!!!
I have had to put my blogging on hold and leave everyone hanging until we felt we were at a safer point to spill the beans. I never thought the day would come that I would be writing this post, but it has arrived and I am thrilled. :)
When December's devastation happened I really wasn't sure I would be able to emotionally handle giving things another try in January. It took a lot of encouragement from J that it was the right decision for us. When we returned after Christmas leave we went in and signed the paperwork and I started birth control. The cycle was much different because I wasn't having to stimulate my ovaries. After I finished the pill I immediately started a low dose of lupron daily. It was much less than what I took before so I had no side effects. At the end of January I started estrogen tablets and the awful progesterone shots as well just a few days before transfer.
The hardest part this time was again the unknown. We didn't know how many would thaw or if we were making the right decision to take half of what was stored out to have a better chance of more for transfer. We actually didn't know anything until THE MORNING OF transfer. We were called on February 2nd to confirm our transfer the following morning and told that they had taken the number of vials out we agreed on.
On February 3rd we went in and eagerly awaited the consultation before transfer. When our doctor walked in smiling I felt so much better. He put the paper in front of us with pictures of the embryos and three out of four had survived the thaw. One didn't look very good and had a low grade, but two of them were already hatching on their own and in my mind were beautiful. :)
The transfer was just like the first time around except this time I drank less water and had to have my bladder filled instead of the last time drinking too much and having to have some of it emptied. Ahh the cath is horrible. We also didn't tell many people other than some family the day of transfer. It made things a lot easier and J had a few days off of work as well to be with me. For three days I laid in bed. I ate, slept, read, watched movies, and laughed a lot. I was really anxious to get up by day three, but I was determined to take it easy and follow orders this go around.
Five days after transfer I was having a low day. With IVF I just knew in my heart it worked and this time I knew in my heart it didn't. I think I was preparing myself for the letdown. So when J left for work (because I promised no tests this time lol) I took a test. There it was a faint line and we were back at it again.
Over the next week the line grew darker and when we went in for blood work I was shocked that my numbers came back at 511, then 1497, and finally 4884!!! At our first ultrasound we learned that I had fraternal twins :)
We were both in shock and hearing their heartbeats was amazing. We almost thought then to spill the beans but being through so much we waited. After eight weeks I lost one of the babies and so I was glad we made the decision not to say anything just yet. I felt a lot of sadness and wondering why or how this could happen. Trying to be happy to be pregnant with one baby and mourning the other is really hard to explain. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. For two weeks I wondered if the other baby would make it and I was an emotional hot mess again with the unknown.
I never had (or have had to this day) any pregnancy symptom so I was preparing myself for the worst at ten weeks, but at the ultrasound the baby was just fine. :) It was then that I felt like I needed to get it together and believe that it was really our time. So at eleven weeks the specialist released us and it was a lot of asking him if he was sure we were ready to go lol and a lot of worry on my part. Going to the OB was fearful. I had never made it to that point and if it wasn't for my specialist I would not be on my way to being a mom.
So here we are now. I am a little over thirteen weeks still without symptoms, but a week ago I had my first appointment and ultrasound with my doctor and the baby is a mover and a shaker. I don't look pregnant but am starting to get to that one cheeseburger too many look. I am still scared out of my mind for our next appointment in a few weeks because of all we have been through, but I am hopeful that our baby will continue to thrive. We have been through so much and I have no doubt that this baby is nothing short of a miracle to us. We are still cautious to look at baby stuff or plan the next step in preparing for baby. Right now we are just hoping for the best. :)
A slightly pregnant