23 June 2014
Hi, My Name is Mom and I Need Friends.
Last week my husband informed me that he had to leave for a few days. Something I am all too familiar with in this lifestyle. However, this time I felt like begging him not to leave. I couldn't believe that kind of thought was coming from me. Of course I know how to *survive* with him gone for days, weeks, months, a year, but something just felt off. I spend my whole day with a toddler. We play, watch cartoons, do flashcards, color, build with Legos, and run around driving small cars on every surface in the house. We are out in the stroller, at the playground, in the sprinkler, and scooping dirt in the backyard. When night falls I am scrubbing dinner dishes, packing my husband's lunch, giving my son a bath, reading books, picking up toys, starting laundry, and getting things ready for the following day. At 8pm my little one is off to bed and I look forward to my me time...but lately it is more like my adult time. The only time I get to have that face to face conversation with another adult and feel slightly human in being able to collect all of my thoughts without a small child pulling at me...or screaming at me somedays ;) My husband has filled a void. I mean not that I don't need him, but I'm new here and I have come to learn being a mom or not having a childcare option doesn't really put you out on the friend dating scene often. Finding friends as a military wife is just like dating - Do we connect, do we have common interests, are our kids the same age, ohh is she a Republican (okay, kidding on that - maybe). I just haven't found those opportunities here. Up until now all of my friends have been pre-Mom. So I knew them and had a connection in this world so to speak before I had D and moved a thousand miles away again. I made them through other friends I knew at the post we were moving to or by joining some sort of group or organization. It just so happens we moved here when those options were out. I don't know anyone stationed at this post like I did other posts and we moved right as the year for most programs ends and/or breaks for summer. I miss girl time. I miss my bestie at Benning and our late night Target trips or getting together early in the morning still in pajamas for the boys to play together. We could talk, have coffee, the boys played safely, and there was true comfort. I long for a lot of my friendships at Benning that I oh so miss. So when J had to leave I knew that was exactly what it was. I can't paint his nails or take him to a coffee shop, but for now he is really my only friend here. My son and I haven't met other friends at the playground or park (this place is like a ghost town when it comes to being outdoors, I swear!). I can't shop for friends at the grocery store - "Hey, you are buying diapers too. You must be a mom to a small child. Want to be friends?" For now I can pick up the phone and call my bestie OR any of my friends from here to Florida to Michigan to wherever and just laugh and joke about things or talk about more serious topics. But lets face it - The days are long and the years are short is a popular quote for a reason. Being a mom is unlike anything else I have ever experienced and has by far been the best thing, but pointing out the fan, cheers-ing my glass with a sippy cup, and begging a small child to not color on the wall are sometimes experiences just best shared with another mom - in person where you can relate and feel comfortable. Moving is for the brave, being a mom can be lonely, but knowing your perfect friend date is still out there and you just haven't been on it yet is even better. Cheers,